What the...
I've never, thank God, contributed to road kill statistics as a driver. I'm the type of person who slows down for those cobra birds who like to pretend like they aren't going to move but always get the fuck out of the way at the right moment. I mean, I know they are going to move, but what if one of them isn't a cobra? What if it is just a quadraplegic that the other birds didn't fancy so much?
I once swerved to avoid a frog and another time because there was a big beetle. Lizards, snakes, dogs, cats, humans... all the small minded animals of the world that insist on crossing the road in a haphazard fashion in front of El Stormo have been avoided.
In a mini-adventure today, Hogs and I were on the way back from a meeting when the most wonderful (for us, probably not for it) thing happened. We were travelling behind a small truck carrying 4 open barrels. Out of one of the barrels hopped a fish!
I saw it as it majestically leapt to freedom only to be hit hard by the wind (as the wind often hits when travelling at about 75km/h) and then it landed on the road, right in the path of my car. I saw it flap about for a few seconds before I realised I was about to run over a fucking fish in the middle of lunchtime traffic on Jln Tun Razak... but I didn't, because I'm not about to walk into the office and be like...
"Oh fuck man..."
"What happened?"
"I hit something on the road just now."
"Shit! Man, what did you hit?"
"A fish."
But it was amazing the way this fish just sotomayered itself out of that truck. I think it probably knew it was suicide, but just couldn't stand that it was going to live life in some stupid aquarium, or end up on some dinner table. Maybe it was suicidal.
The only smart thing to do now is to go play the lottery. I have two plans.
1. Buy 3-5-3-8 (the number plate of the truck)
2. Find that small little book where they interpret your dreams and tell you what numbers it translates to. It has things like, "If you dream of a teacup and a rusty hammer on a chair, then you should buy 4-5-6 and special number 9".
I wonder what it says for "Fish jumping out of a truck onto Jln Tun Razak".
posted by Captain Karat @ 6:23 PM
7 Comments:
you're hilarious. i love it - the suicidal fish!
hey, i dunno you...
but i know u r one funny guy~~
can i know the way to the rimba place?? around tmn melawati?
Dear Anonymous,
I love your work.
To get to Isi Rimba:
If you know how to get to zoo negara, you should be golden.
From Jln Ulu Kelang, take the turn off for the zoo, but instead of turning in to the car park just keep drive straight past the zoo.
You'll pass the entire zoo complex on your left. Just keep going straighttttttttttttttt only.
Keep going straight and straight and straight. You'll pass through a kampung and eventually you'll see a river on your right. The road is very narrow but it is still asphalt. You'll see signs for a fishing pond. Keep following the narrow road for about 1 kilometer past the kampung and eventually you'll see a fishing pond on your left and immidiately after that a left turn.
turn left and keep going straight to the end of the road.
welcome to isi rimba.
hope my directions are remotely decent.
Hey, very funny arsehole.You are a funny guy, but if you were a man you would of stopped your car and saved the fish instead of telling the world your so funny hahaha story. You had your chance now the wrath of the whole animal kingdom will be upon you, may god spare your soul funny guy.
dear spca,
you are right. my moral values are all out of whack. i should have pulled my car over, turned on my hazard lights, dodge past 2 lanes of speeding jln tun razak traffic and saved the fish. i could have put it in the aquarium that i always carry handy with me in the back of my truck.
my bad karma will come back and haunt me.
speaking of fish, i just had the meanest fish curry ever. i had both the head and the tail... what's really screwed up is that i'm such a bad human being that i didn't give a seconds thought to the poor fish i left behind in the middle of the road.
i really hope that fish made it out alive. if you were there spca, it might have stood a fighting chance.
my apologies, you dickhead
i wish i could think of an alias
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