Part 1 of A Really Long Story

I am completely aware that I haven’t updated in absolute donkey years. There is no need to remind me, because, I actually like blogging. Bloody hell, I’m going to come out and admit it. I don’t love blogs, but I really do like a few, and enjoy just following the progress. I’ll even admit that while initially (and in the present, still slightly) dubious of the entire concept, I like the concept of blogging. Yet, I would not be sitting down tonight if it weren’t for something wonderful that twerked inside this afternoon.

That twerk was, here it is, the song “Under Pressure” by Queen, on their Greatest Hits 2 album. The bassline to that song was sampled and eventually became the beat for “Ice Ice Baby”. A beat so brilliant that when we hear it we automatically launch into:

“Alright stop,
collaborate and listen…
Ice is back with a brand new invention
Something
Grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon,
Daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo, I don’t know
Turn off the lights, and I’ll glow

To the extreme, I rock the mic like a vandal
Light up the stage and
I’ll wax a chump like a candle.”

That’s all I personally remember, but that’s enough. Go to Mumbo Jumbo on Wednesday nights @ Zouk and when “Ice, Ice Baby” comes on, the crowd goes absolutely drunken Indian lawyer on your ass. Everyone is your best friend. If you can walk, you can run, if you can sing, you can dance. Johnnie Walker is my uncle… Uncle Johnnie. It’s all so EMOTIONAL.

Wah. I’m so tired. Work takes up 99% of my time and the other 1% gets shared badly between Sayang, homelife, and friends. Very badly. My body hurts and I don’t get enough sleep and I my eating habits are not bad or terrible, but they are plain stupid. My mind is in a Jln Tun Razak traffic jam that I take twice every day mess. I haven’t been eating Bak Kut Teh of late. But somehow that Twerk brought some color back into my day. Music always seems to do that. I don’t know whether this is true for everyone, but I routinely forget where to look for GOOD music. I’m not talking about Tower Records or Limewire, but I mean who? Some new music is good, but where do you listen to the stuff that makes you happy from the inside? I’m not one of those fuckers complaining about new music, by the way, I just agree that a lot of older stuff is more brilliant.

Queen are brilliant. Yes yes, a bit gay, but still brilliant. You don’t own one of their albums but you’ve definitely heard their music. You would be surprised how many Queen songs you’ll listen to and go “Oh, I didn’t know this was Queen…” and then perhaps pause for a briefest moment as you consider whether to start listening to more Queen. You should. You should either listen to Queen once every 2 months, or two to three times every month (you have the option). A lot of people are quick to call their favorite bands “truly progressive” but Queen definitely are. They have so many different sounds.

Listen to “Flash”, which is a strange, minimalist, musical style homage to Flash Gordon. The one note bassline and drums drone repeatedly and laced with Flash Gordon samples while the band punctuates it, singing “FLASH! Aaaaahhhhhh ahhhhhh!” It sounds terrible but it works.

“We Will Rock You” and “We are The Champions” are some of the biggest clichés in pop culture but listen to them again and realize that they are brilliant songs. “Radio Ga Ga” is 80’s dreamy magical. Synthesized pianos and Freddy Mercury’s mustache only hear Radio ga ga, radio goo goo. This song is a brilliant counterpoint to “Video Killed The Radio Star”. Someone should take the bassline and turn it into a dance track. It would work mannnnnnnnnn.

The quirky songs are what really define Queen for me. They sound almost musical-like in quality with their long grandmother stories and the chorus ooooh-ing and aaaaah-ing away. The funny thing is that I hate musicals. They irritate me (ok lah, some are good, but most of them make me want to bang my head on the wall). This music though is varied, layered, intelligent, and damn good in general. They switch keys and tempo and everything about the song whenever they God damn feel like it, woman. The bridge in “Good Old Fashioned Lover Boys” always makes me smile. “Play The Game” reminds me of the Beatles, but with more of an electric guitar kick. I’m listening to the song now. It’s such an evil guitar that they have axing thru their 4 part harmonies.

Apparently, one funeral undertaker in Britain, who will normally acquiesce to anything, refuses to allow people to play “Another One Bites The Dust” at funerals he organizes. You may play anything else you want, like Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, but not THAT song. Maybe he doesn’t want the dead to spin in their graves before they get there…

Queen’s music has a very inspirational feel to it. It is never evil or malicious. It is always positive in message, and if not at least happy, hopeful. This story could go on forever, so I’m just going to name my other favorite Queen songs (this is really turning into a blog kind of blog… which I said I would never do, but hah). In no order:
1. Bicycle Race
2. Don’t Stop me Now
3. You’re My Best Friend
4. Bohemian Rhapsody (remember “Wayne’s World?”)
5. Killer Queen
6. I Want to Be Free
7. Fat Bottomed Girls (YOU MAKE THE ROCKING WORLD GO ‘ROUND!)
8. Who Wants to Live Forever? (remember “Highlander?”)
9. Now I’m Here
10. Crazy Little Thing Called Love (yes, it’s a cover)
11. Somebody to Love (which has one of the best intros in rock).

But let’s not forget Jay-Z.

Good segway, huh? Apparently Dubya gave Junichi “But-July-ok” Koizumi a Segway scooter recently. Fucker. Never got anything for me oso.

Anyone has a shred of doubt that Jay-Z is the undisputed MAN of the rap world should watch the documentary that Roc-a-fella commissioned while Jiggaman was recording the “Black Album”, his opus. We get to watch him working with Kanye West, Timbaland, Pharrel, Rick Rubin, and all his other producers. He checks in on them periodically and rips their work to shreds but then each of them have one track up their sleeve that makes his eyes light up and then the magic starts…

He walks into the booth, and lays almost the entire track in one take. Not some rough draft nonsense… nearly a 100% of the finished version. If he misses anything, he plays back the beat along with his last take and listens to it patiently and then just fills in the blank when it comes along. The lyrics aren’t lightweight either, the nigga be droppin’ gems.

In “Moment of Clarity”, Jay talks about his success and also addresses the other rappers who aren’t poyo (lame)… 2Pac, Kweli, Common Sense and others. He says:

“We as rappers most decide what is most important,
and I can’t help the poor if I’m one of them,
So I got rich and gave back,
To me that’s the win-win,
So next time you see the homey with his rims spin,
Just know that my mind is working just like them,
The rims that is…”

Other brilliant rhymes include:

“I’m strong enough to carry Biggie Smalls on my back, and the whole BK, nigga’ holla back” – Moment of Clarity

“From bricks to billboards, from grams to Grammys,
The O’s to opposite the Orphan Annie,
You got to pardon Jay,
For selling out the Garden in a day
I’m like a young Marvin in the hey,
I’m a hustler, homey
You’re a customer, crony
Got some dirt on my shoulder…
Could you brush it off for me?” – Dirt off Your Shoulders

“When you first come in the game, they try to play you,
Then you drop a couple of hits, look how they wave to you” – Encore (which would anytime make my All Time mix CD. Kanye West has outdone himself on this track).

“I never ask for nothing that I don’t demand of myself,
honesty, loyalty, friends and then wealth,
death before dishonor, and I tell you what else...” – Justify My Thug (which has a terrible chorus, but the rest of it is damn good).

“So cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it” is my favourite line but I can’t remember what song it’s from. Fooooooooo yooooooooooooo!

Ok… that’s the end of Part 1. This doesn’t sound like much of an adventure, but trust me, it is. It involves more contests, activating digital lifestyles, the American Embassy, Gwen Stefani, and just a ton of crap. Check back in about a week.