Sooooo many interesting things... maybe

So many interesting things happen to me on a weekly (I don’t say daily because then it makes it sound like I’m TOO interesting) basis and yet I am never inspired to write anything about them. I stare at my update-less blog and contemplate the delete button… and then I listen to a song like Nico’s These Days from The Royal Tennenbaums soundtrack and suddenly I want to write my own version of the Mahabharata.

I’m currently experimenting with being a hermit. After 25 years of being an intensely social creature, I’m suddenly moving towards hanging out with myself and establishing a hermitocracy. My new DVD player and 35 DVDs (ranging from The Passion of Christ to Tom Yum Goong) are brilliant late night company and can everyone please give the World Cup a big round of applause? Can I get a witness? Did anyone watch Portugal v Netherlands? In the middle of the Battle Royale that was going on (4 red cards! 12 yellow cards!), Maniche managed to excuse his terrible hair-style and score a fantastic goal with his fantastic fast moving feet. World Cup, DVDs, PS2, the Gym, and tons and tons and tons of work. Perfect for being a hermit.

A Kubhaer (aku-bear) needs a place to hibernate so I’m trying to sort out my bear cave. I say bear cave because when I’ve got the air-con pumping and the DVD rockin’, DON”T COME A’ KNOCKIN’! hahahahha. I’m particularly excited by the AV splitter that A’elahhhhh gave me. Once I connect a simple RCA cable to it, I can go between my PS2 and the DVD without having to change any wires! WHOA!

I’ve got grand plans for my room… but mostly grand plans of cleaning it and organizing it. I’d like it to be SUPER organized. I dream of getting a bigger TV, putting up some shelves, and cleaning up the windowsill area so I can whack some thai triangular cushions up there so people can relax and watch movies there. I need to repair my amp and hook up my speakers so I finally have some working sound-age. Nothing too fancy. Just a living space… my own living space.

I remember one intoxicated night at Brandeis many years ago, this one frat boy showed us how he had tricked out his dorm room. “My parents asked me if I wanted to do up my car or my room… and I said “DUH!” This guy had UV lights and the required posters, music synchronized lazer lights, lava lamps, and basically all these things that idiot drug culture subscribers think are important to keep your high going. He had spent about US$10,000 on them. I remember thinking that US$10,000 would pay for all my college loans and two return tickets to Boston. I swallowed that thought and ripped a hit from his 3 foot glass piece and suddenly everything was ok.

Hermitology is only part of my disease. I’m developing some kind of hybrid form of OCD. Some the blame should lie squarely on past relationships, but a lot of it is my own monster that I’ve been raising in the backyard of my consciousness. I still take as many showers as I can a day, but now I’m doing things like making sure I have spare batteries at home. I maintain an arsenal of AAA, AA, C, and D batteries for my remote controls, nose hair trimmer, alarm clock, and torchlight. I also make sure that I’ve always got stock. I had a small panic attack the other day as I had run out of spare C batteries. If my alarm clock was to suddenly use up 4 brand new Energizer batteries in the next 6 hours, I would not be ready to deal with the tragedy. Failure to plan is planning to fail.

I’ve also been grocery shopping. I felt like having juice the other day so now I have mango, apple, and orange juice at home. I felt like having a sandwhich so I cleaned out a section of my fridge, rearranged the contents and now it reads as follows… Yellow mustard, Honey mustard. Honey Dijon Mustard, Dijon mustard, Mild BBQ sauce, Spicy BBQ sauce, green and red Tabasco sauce, Mayo, Light Mayo, cream cheese, sour cream, cheddar cheese, mozzarella cheese… wholemeal, white bread, hot dog buns, burger buns (with and without sesame seeds)… I’ve also got sausages (pork and chicken), burgers (chicken and lean lamb), chicken slices, ham. I’ve finally figured out the oven toaster and now I’m grilling myself some glorious sandwhiches.

I haven’t been calling anyone. I haven’t been seeing anyone. I’ve just been trying to maintain as much radio silence as I can possibly handle. I called it an experiment earlier on, but it isn’t so much as something I’d LIKE to do as much as it is something I’m feeling quite compelled to do. I enjoy it. I drive without the radio on. I’m not actively ignoring anyone, it’s all very passive. I’m seeking audience with my inner monologue in a bid to find discipline and effort and so far so good. I get to work before everyone else these days. I’m putting in tons of time at the gym. I’m spending crazy amounts of time with my family.

We actually managed to go for a massive 20 person Chinese seafood family dinner all the way to Kuala Selangor a few days ago. I managed to round up everyone except my granddad (who begged to be let out of it. He’s vegetarian and old, and he knew he would be bored out of his mind in the 1.5 hour trip to KS before having to deal with our shenanigans. He was most happy at home in front of the TV without us hooligans there to kacau him) and off we went in a four car convoy.

It was hilarious trying to pack 20 of us into 4 different cars. Big Momma refused to ride with any of her sons because she said they drove like maniacs. Bhagwan insisted on sitting with Barista who inturn insisted on driving. Drunken Lawyer Cuz wanted all the aunties to go in one car, but he’s Big Momma’s son so therefore… H to the Izzo and me were patiently and dangerously negotiating the treacherous path to perfect seating solutions before an hour and a half drive. My dad and Big Poppa wanted to go with each other so they could talk about some law case. No way was I riding with them because invariably it would degrade into an argument which would then become a lecture (probably part of my dad’s Greatest Hits Series… Track 4, Disc 3: Why You Should Marry a Hindu. Dad likes to have quality time when you are trapped in a car. It is the worst). Hindu Cuz didn’t want to drive. #1 was busy trying to be #1… what do I mean? Well, #1 is a blog entry all on his own. Let me put it this way. He is always #1… if he isn’t, then he will make himself #1. Who’s the best? You #1… you are the best. In the end H to the Izzo and Me managed to get the best car, with Mogitron and Mogitron’s ubiquitous Chinese friend who has been coming to our family functions for the longest time. Let’s call her Angie.

I was so excited and I felt so family first, taking everyone out to Kuala Selangor. No one knew what the occasion was or why I was buying 20 fat people dinner. I kinda felt like I hadn’t seen these people in so long because of work, and who knows how much longer it would be before I saw them all together again, so might as well do it while I had the free time.

I also figured we could eat some lai liew ha, some hardcore crabs, some crazy steamed fish, some sotong, some oysters, some bamboo lala… the works! When we got there, my wonderfully middle class Indian family turned around and started to order our usual… Lemon Chicken, Kangkung Belacan, Dry Chilli Chicken, and Chilli Crabs. I had to put a stop to it but to no avail. In the end, they just ate what they wanted to, which was fine. They looked happy and made a lot of noise. We even started with a peanut fight, which was all fun and games until it hit my Grandma. #1 was probably responsible for it.

In something completely unrelated, I’ve been practicing my conversation steering. I had forgotten that certain jokes can be set up by the simplest of conversation fodder. Proof that despite my interesting weekly happenings, I’m also terribly boring so when I hit a good joke, I like to keep it going. My latest gem:

Office Guy: What are you doing?

Me: Drawing a map to my house.

Office Guy: Why?

Me: So I know how to get there…

*silence* OR *laughter all around*

One brilliant soul didn’t get the absurd humor of it. She asked for her name online to be Blurduh.

Blurduh: What are you doing?

Me: Drawing a map to my house.

Blurduh: Why?

Me: So I know how to get there.

Blurduh: Why? Don’t you ALREADY know?

Me: *sigh*