The Horny of Africa

I like using metaphors when I talk. In fact, sometimes they go out of control. Someone pointed this out to me the other day and I justified it by likening my use of metaphors to a herd of elephants that research scientists have managed to attract to their research outpost, only they did such a good job of attracting the elephants, that they created the stampede. So the scientists benefit from having SOME elephants there, but all their field equipment has been destroyed by the rampaging pachyderms.

Those bloody elephants.

My latest metaphor is for the age old battle that occurs within every man.

The battle between head, heart, and penis. Head says one thing, heart pleads one thing, and then the penis does whatever it wants in the first place.

Imagine Man as Somalia. I remember reading somewhere that life started somewhere around this region. Anyway, his head represents the United Nations. His heart represents the aid organizations, missionaries, and other volunteer groups. His penis represents the tribal warlords... which is especially apt since they both live in the bush.

The United Nations are usually imagined to be the well-thought out, metered, and rational approach. The heart goes after the morals, the underlying social issues of right and wrong. The tribal warlords, fuck dude, they are pretty single minded/headed creatures. They want what they want, they want it now, and unless it is a surprising show of force and lobbying from the UN and the Red Cross, they are going to do whatever they want.

The problem with tribal warlords, is that anybody can be one. All you need are a bunch of cousins and a rocket launcher. It doesn't even need to be a very good rocket launcher, just as long as you can blow something up. The tribal warlords come to Mogadecisionmakingissue and create a ruckus. The UN shows up with their blue helmets and do whatever it is they do, directing traffic or escorting bureaucrats, all the while trying to point the problem in the supposed right direction. The aid groups drop flyers from the sky and appeal to innocent bystanders who neither have blue helmets or rocket launchers. The warlords, convinced they are right because of the overwhelming urge to blow something up, try and be patient. I suspect it isn't patience but merely enjoying the bumbling show of "leadership" and "guidance" provided by the other two. One day they get bored, and suddenly it's Black Hawk Down.

The warlords are celebrating. Their rocket launchers are spent. The UN releases a strongly worded statement. The aid organizations rue the day. The warlords? They don't care. They just shrug and go "I dunno"... You guys got us in this situation anyway. We were just trying to be tribal warlords and suddenly we've got 2 other groups telling us that we can't have our warlord fun. More justifications from both aid workers and the UN as to why and what has happened. The warlords replenish their ammo and set their sights on juicier targets... and on and on it goes.

So now how? How do you stop the tribal warlords? How do the aid workers get more organized and more funding and able to print flyers in more than just French? How does the UN show that it is a serious force to be reckoned with, since both aid workers and warlord associations think they are just a joke?

*sigh*

Negros, you know what I'm talking about. We are all Somalia.

I definitely am.