Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man

So I'm gymming like a bastard these days. Handsome Surfer Boy gave me a fantastic program of circuit training, core development, and then I do my normal cardio. I feel...heldy as the Indians like to say. I either go to the gym at Fitness Last near home, or this fancy run-down country club near work. The thing about the country club, is that they LOVE their nudity in the men's locker room. They thrive on it. It's a throwback to the bathing culture of Europe... and I suppose Japan and increasingly, China too.

So in the locker room, everyone just goes stark naked. This is also particularly funny because the country club's patrons are truly the captains of Malaysian industry and the really powerful dudes who just HAVE to get some golf in during the weekends, otherwise their lives are incomplete. You could wear a towel around your waist, but then everyone looks at you like "what are you trying to hide, sonny?". I'm sure they also just want to know where they rank in the ancient male game of "Whose Dick is Longer?", which is fine, because hey... I play that game too.

So (third paragraph that begins with So... English purists everywhere are cringing), there I was... naked and shaving at the sink at the end of the counter. Out of nowhere, a middle aged Japanese man with this crazy beard that only the Japanese can pull off materializes next to me. He's massaging his face, trimming his beard, and going through his motions when he turns to me and goes:

NJM: Excuse me... you look very famiriar.

I look at him and recognize him in an instant. He's my ex-girlfriend's boss. I've only met him once, years ago, at a terrible company party (the party was terrible, the company I don't know). He probably remembers me coz I went up to him and said "KANPAI!" after I had kanpai'ed a bit on my own. I obviously don't want to deal with explaining the whole situation to him, so I just say:

ME: Er... I don't know. I don't think we've met before:

NJM: Are you shuah?

ME: Well, maybe you've seen me around the club. I'm always around these days.

NJM: No... I met you somewhere outside.

Then, I thought I'd be really smart and throw him off the scent so I said...

ME: I work in advertising too, so maybe you've seen me around the post-production houses? I always like to follow post.

NJM: Ah so des...

A quiet moment passes before he wisens up and says:

NJM: How do you know I work in advertising?

ME: Er... well, what I mean is that I work in advertising too... like I go to the club AND I work in advertising. I didn't know that you work in advertising. Where do you work?

NJM: I work at Brand X Agency and I'm the MD there.

ME: Oh ok... anyway, nice meeting you.

NJM: Ah, yes yes.

And he walks away, butt jiggling with each step as he hums some strange tune under his breath. I really need to work on my white lying skills. They are going down the drain.