The Adventures of Captain Karat

Someday I'm going to be a rapper.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Oooh la la la

I've never been for any of big concert acts that have been coming through KL over the last few years. I missed out on Incubus, No Doubt, Black Eyed Peas, and all the other cobras who have slithered through these here parts. The last big concert I went for in KL was Shaggy. As a kid I remember going for Paula Abdul, MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, and oh baby, Color Me Badd.

Then this whole tsunami aid Forces of Nature concert thingy came about and out of a lack of better things to do on a Friday night and annoyed that I tend to miss out on all the best watercooler type conversations the next day, I decided to make my grand appearance, alongside Dayang Nurfaizah, Annuar Zain, Innuendo, Ruth Sahanaya, Yumiko Cheng, Nicholas Tse, Black Eyed Peas, Boys 2 Men, Lauren Hill, Wyclef, and of baby, the Backstreet Boys.

I went with Tronics and a mineral water bottle filled with Gin and Tonic and had a nice buzz by the time we got to the National Sports Complex in Bukit Jalil. We walked around outside, had a burger, looked at chicks (By the way, I was once again wonderfully reminded that KL is full of hot chicks... they just don't work in my industry or happen to go clubbing a lot, which sucks), stared at the red carpet arrival area for a while no one was arriving and then took our seats.

Paula Abdul came on stage and welcomed everyone, which was weird. Not wierd like frat kids, but weird like "What the hell is she doing here?" This was a feeling that was constantly repeated throughout the night as random ass celebrities from far away kept coming on stage to tell us to "remember the victims of the tsunami" and also that they were a force of nature. Jodi Watley (who?), Lance Bass, Joey Fat One, Michelle Yeoh, Jackie Chan (who sang!), Eric Morales and someone introduced as the First Lady of Hip Hop. My cousin DotCom Man muttered something about her being Russel Simmon's wife and somebody else said she was Tata Young. A normal blogger would have done some homework by this stage and provided you with a link to either Tata Young or Russel Simmon's wife but I am way too lazy and the mouse is out of reach right now.

From the start I knew it was going to be an interesting evening. I was hoping for interesting in the sense that I was actually enjoying it instead of making sociological hob-servations of the state of Malaysian society. The first hob-servation I made was that instead of a sea of kids standing in the front of the stage screaming for some love, they put all the VIPS and invited dorks there... on those blue banquet chairs. One thing about Malaysians is that if you give us a chair, we will sit on it (unlike other people who take the chair to dinner, or perhaps the zoo) and it is going to take some serious cajoling to get us off of our asses... which didn't happen until later on in the show.

Lauren Hill opened the show with some wonderfully sung but terribly low energy acoustic numbers before she broke it down with X Factor and Doo Wop (That Thing). She was brilliant but the chairs won. After that Innuendo and the local cobras came on. No disrespect to the local industry, but aiyoh, I couldn't wait for them to be finished. Shiela Majid came on next to prove that Malaysian artists don't have to be crap and she absolutely rocked it. She sang Warna, Sinaran (of course), and Ikhlas Tapi Jauh. Now, Ikhlas Tapi Jauh would make my All Time Favorite Songs Box Set, somewhere in the middle of Disc 2 which is very impressive but they replaced Zainal Abidin and Amir Yussof's respective parts with a wooden Annuar Zain and a permagrinned Dayang which made it terrible. Still, it is very fun to sing along to... even while completely rooted to your seat.

Boys 2 Men came on next (i think... not sure) and they had us on our feet in no time, except for the VIPs who paid so much for their seats that they refused to stand up. B2M were amazinglah. I was singing along to the parts that I knew and pretending at the parts that I didn't... they sang Mama, Water Runs Dry, On Bended Knee, I'll Make Love to You, and End of the Road. The B2M Classics as they call it.

I can't remember the rest of the concert because Clef completely dominated all the storage space that I was saving for everyone else. This man absofuckinglutely rocked it. I felt like I was watching a DVD of one of his concerts. His DJ started it off with some brilliant scratching, throwing together some of the choicest hooks in hip hop over the last 20 years or so before the Preacher's Son walked on stage, struck a pose, and launched into No Woman, No Cry. After that, he said something along the lines of:

26 hours... 26 hours... That's how long I had to fly to get to Malaysia. 26 hours! So, if I see a single one of you sitting down, then Wyclef is going to come and get you. STAND UP! And you better bounce to this next song, I don't care if you are young or old, you better stand up and jump around!

Upon which he started singing House of Pain's Jump Around before neatly going into Stayin' Alive, which was definitely the shiznit when it first came out way back during The Carnival (which in my opinion is one of the top 10 hip hop albums of all time. If you don't have it, you suck). Then in trademark Wyclef style, he politely asked if he could play his geee-tar. The audience thought about it for a second and then politely acquiesced... I mean, it's Wyclef... if he wants to play his guitar on stage then, I mean, I guess it should be ok. Besides, he said that we could sit down for the next 3 minutes.

He didn't play his guitar though, he became his guitar. I always knew he could pluck a 5 stringer here and there but this man borders on virtuoso material. He was doing the behind the back, he was playing with his teeth, he was dipping in and out of Guantanamera and making it sound like he was playing Johnny Be Good. He then got everyone to hold up their handphones and turn on the screens as the stadium lights dimmed down. He started to play Knockin' on Heaven's Door and this was truly beautiful and pretty much the only truly creatively fitting moment to remember the tsunami victims the whole night. The stadium was a sea of little dots of light of all sorts of colors, swaying left to right and singing along with Mr.Jean.

The best part though, was when Clef looked backstage for a moment, got excited and then proceeded to invite Lauren Hill onstage.

My jaw dropped.

The Fugees were having a reunion in Kuala Lumpur and I was there to watch it (Pras doesn't count, ok?). The last time they had played together on the same stage was at Dave Chappelle's party in Ft.Greene in 2004 and before that, absolute yonks (probably at some point while they were promoting The Score). The crowd were going bananas and a whole bunch of other fruit as well. I was a Carmen Miranda headdress.

They sang Fugee-La and Ready or Not before Clef started doing the We're Not Worthy bow to L-Boogie. He promptly reminded the crowd that what was going on was a very emotional moment for him and that they were watching something very rare. The people in the audience who already knew this were on Cloud 9. I was somewhere on Cloud 17. Maybe it was my imagination but I could have sworn there was a hint of regret and apology in Wyclef's voice. I mean, when Pras calls you the cancer that broke up the Fugees, shitttttttttttttttttt, you know done fucked up then.

Lauren Hill waved to the crowd and left the stage. 5 minutes later (which are a blur to me), Clef suddenly ran over to his keyboardist and took over from him and started playing a tune which was really familiar but no one in the audience could place it.

Clef: "Come on Legend, let's do this"

Lauren: "Oh, you want to do this one?"

Clef: "Absolutely"


and then L-Boogie walked on stage again. Before we could catch our breath, she snatched the rest of it out of our collective grasp.

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words...

and by that point I had already died.

Proof

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Reason #53

While searching for reference material on swamp monsters rising out of lakes (sometimes I actually do love my job), I came across a very interesting article entitled "The Biology of B-Movie Monsters".

The article debunks all sorts of scientific impossibilites that the movies have ignored... but the movies had their own good reasons. What fun would King Kong would have been if his bones kept breaking under his own weight? What joy could we have gotten out of seeing Mothra destroy Tokyo if they were all factual about it and increased its volume of tracheal tubes and thus allowing for less biomass and reducing the density of everyone's favorite giant moth to that of the average cotton ball? WHAT JOY I ask...

The best thing about the article though is that it tells you how to defeat giant ants armed with a sharp eye and some pebbles. That's the kind of information I really dig.

*************

Which reminds me of something else... I remember getting an e-mail years ago when e-mail was all the rage (and people actually used to keep in touch) about "100 Reasons Why We Are Glad to be Men". It was full of the usual internet humour, but I will always remember Reason #53:

"We know shit about tanks"

Which is pretty much true. Nearly any guy can tell you at least something about some kind of tank. Even my goomba brother.

Saturday, March 12, 2005


From Left: Hindu Koobz, Wong, Kerstana, Cobra Commander, and Upek (with hat). Driving up to Penang to meet Gov'nor and Inspector Saab for Merdeka (Independence) Weekend 2004. Damn... we were completely fucked for 2 days straight.  Posted by Hello


Funny that I've had this blog for a few weeks now and no mention of this cat on the left. He goes by many names... Wong and Shit Boy are my favorite. We are currently taking votes on his newest name: 1. Pizza the Kid 2. Cowboy the Hut. This refers to a most unfortunate shirt he wore to the club last night. He looked like he stole a tablecloth from Pizza Hut and a shirt from an old cowboy and then burnt the midnight oil while he painstakingly merged the two. For posterity, he added some mother of pearl buttons. The funniest part is he paid money for it. Oh Pizza the Kid/ Cowboy the Hut... you crack me up. Posted by Hello


My brother is a goomba.  Posted by Hello


Red light. Looked down. Exhaled cloud of smoke. Sighed. Put out freshly lit cigarette. Jaywalked.  Posted by Hello


That, my friends, is Veet. Hair removal mousse. Aunty sprayed my whole back (and did a wonderful job sculpting the shoulders and a little bit in the front as well) and I was a sexy bastard for a few weeks. Hence, Veet Fan. Get it? Posted by Hello


Ladies & Gentlemen... DISCO JESUS! God is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. Oh yeah.  Posted by Hello

An Activist's Road to Politics

The following article was taken from The Sun, 12th March 2005. Finally an unbiased, intelligent interview in the mainstream press with an opposition politician... and of all people, Sivarasa Rasiah. This man is an absolute gem of a human being and I'm proud to say that I know him and have his number in my handphone (his wife number oso I got... what you got? nothing. you are a loser).

*ahem*

**********************************************************

An activist's road to politics
Cindy Tham

EVEN BEFORE he entered politics, Sivarasa Rasiah, 48, had been politically engaged as a human rights activist and lawyer.

He represented ISA detainees after Ops Lallang in 1987 and was a founding member and director of Suara Rakyat Malaysia (Suaram) as well as of the National Human Rights Society (Hakam).

The events of 1998 prompted him to enter the political fray and he was elected vice-president of the new Parti Keadilan Rakyat [as it's now known following the merger between Parti Rakyat Malaysia and Parti Keadilan Nasional] at the party's first congress from Dec 17 to 18 last year.

He talks to CINDY THAM about the transition from being merely politically engaged to being a politician as well.

You went into active partisan politics largely as a result of the reformasi movement. How would you assess the move?

It was and remains the right move to make.

We're entering into an important phase now. Of course, how it will eventually play out remains to be seen. I think it's very difficult to expect major things to happen within a matter of months or within one or two years.

With the strengthening of Keadilan as a multiracial political force, we are looking at the emergence of a stronger opposition pushing for democratisation of the country. In time, this stronger opposition will become a real option for voters.

How has the experience been for you personally?

The last six years have been tumultuous, especially the first few years.

Post-September 1998, there was a lot of violence by the police. I've seen the blood on the heads and faces of demonstrators on the streets and also in police stations. Once I was walking down Jalan Tun Perak when I saw the FRU pull a few people into their truck and beat them with plastic chairs.

I was lucky -- I was never physically injured or beaten on the street although I've been arrested and locked up a couple of times. So that's what I mean [by "tumultuous"].

So joining PRM happened after Anwar's arrest?

Yes. It was my response to the emergence of the reformasi movement. To me and a number of other activists, we saw that it was time to get engaged in the mainstream political movement because it was no longer right to stand outside anymore.

Outside meaning ...

Outside the political movement in the form of political parties.

But as a human rights activist and a lawyer, you were also very political in your stand, and then you decided to make that transition or move into partisan politics ...

Being in opposition politics, [laughs] frankly, is not that different from being an activist as such. I mean, it is different in certain ways... the kind of activities you do can be different, the kind of people you interact with are different, yes.

But in a number of ways, there are similarities. And, of course, doing opposition politics in this country is, without question, difficult.

What are the main issues that you've been taking a strong stand on?

In most NGO-based work, one tends to focus on narrower issues.

My earlier work with Suaram in human rights was quite broad but even then, we would engage mostly with civil and political rights, and occasionally, broadening [these] to other issues like land and housing rights, indigenous people's rights, etc.

But we had to focus, you can't do everything. So certain NGOs just stick to one issue, like the Women's Aid Organisation sticks to domestic violence or certain areas of women's rights.

However, when you're engaged politically, I found that you really have to start engaging on broader issues: foreign policies, economics, the management of the country. For me, the rights-based approach became the foundation to deal with a broader range of issues.

Any regrets taking that plunge from being an activist to a politician?


No, no, absolutely not. It wasn't an emotional move. It was a reasoned reaction to a particular political context, and saying it was now time to go into the political movement and contribute because we could see changes, major changes, happening.

And it was important to play a role, and if possible, to drive the change along. For me and other like-minded friends, it was taking our activism from the NGO arena into the political parties.

So advocating for change as an activist is different from advocating as a politician?
I don't think so. I really don't see myself as not being an activist anymore whilst being an opposition politician. I still see myself very much as an activist within the political movement.

Our styles may differ compared to what we did as NGO activists. For example, an NGO activist will take very clear stands on particular issues. Suaram, for example, is very clear about where it stands with human rights and if PAS does something which is against its human rights values, it will critique PAS.

Now, in the political movement, especially when you try to build coalitions or common platforms, you find that is not quite so straightforward. But having said that, Keadilan will not compromise on core human rights issues, and where necessary, we will critique other coalition partners.

Actually, that's one of the points I was hoping you would elaborate on. For example, during last year's general election campaign, you pledged to support freedom of expression in the arts. That means you took a stand against the PAS-led government's view on the public performance of traditional Malay drama dances like makyong in Kelantan. So this is one example of how the different opposition parties have different views on certain issues, where you don't see eye-to-eye. How do you see the opposition parties working together then, when there are conflicting views?

In terms of freedom of expression in the arts, I did not just criticise PAS, I also criticised the Barisan Nasional for its restrictions on freedom of expression in the arts.

For example, freedom of expression in the arts has been a problem for a number of years now, arising from Barisan Nasional policies, both in the Malay language and English language drama worlds.

Now, of course, when PAS took power in Kelantan in 1990, it also started certain problematic policies, like restricting wayang kulit performances in a certain way and later with makyong. I have criticised that publicly and I will continue to do that.

I think we also need to understand that political parties in any country, not just Malaysia, have a variety of ideologies but that does not mean that they don't work in coalitions.

For example, in India and in a number of other countries, political groups that are quite different ideologically have come together in coalitions. They don't agree with everything each other espouses but they recognise that the reality of their national context of politics is that single parties cannot bring about change by themselves.

We do not have in Malaysia [a system] like in the US where politics is dominated by two single large parties exchanging power from time to time.

In most other countries, and this is our reality as well, parties have to work in coalitions. So they sit down together to hammer out a common platform, sometimes they do it before the elections, sometimes they do it after the elections.

And this is what we are trying to do. So whilst Keadilan will maintain its disagreement with PAS on certain core issues, and even with the DAP, we will attempt to work in a coalition because it's a political necessity.

What are the issues that the coalition has agreed on?

There's a wide range of issues. All I have to do is read you the 1999 manifesto... That tells you the huge range of agreement ...

That hasn't changed?

That hasn't changed.

But it is also true to say that after 1999, especially when PAS won Terengganu and continued to rule Kelantan, there were certain policy positions PAS took, like pushing the hudud laws, which have become problematic and caused the DAP to leave.

There is no question there is a clear ideological difference here between Keadilan and PAS. Keadilan, for example, emphasises the constitutional framework of the Federal Constitution. That's our starting point.

As a multiracial party, we do not endorse the idea of a theocracy in any form whatsoever, whether Islamic, Hindu, Buddhist or whatever. We believe in the existing constitutional framework, except that we will democratise it if we are given a mandate to rule.

If you look at all the other issues in the 1999 Manifesto, especially the democracy issue, the key institutional issues concerning the judiciary, the media, the attorney-general's chambers, issues of accountability, transparency, social issues, economic governance issues, there was complete agreement among all the parties, DAP, PAS, the old Keadilan and PRM.

As a concrete example, all of us are clear on the need to repeal the ISA, as also recommended by Suhakam to the government.

I must also say that because of the way that PAS has pushed certain issues in the last five years in Kelantan and Terengganu, this has made coalition-building in the opposition much more difficult.

In the last general election, the voters also sent a clear signal with regard to certain issues. We hope now that PAS leaders will come to terms with this message and recognise the fact that once a common platform is agreed, it must be adhered to.

Anwar [Ibrahim] is also conducting informal discussions with both PAS and DAP to see if a clear common platform can be worked out.

Was it difficult for you to adjust to this need to form coalitions?

As an NGO-based activist, you probably don't have to worry so much about this, but now, as a politician, you find that you need to deal with all these differences a lot more.
Well, some of my own NGO experience is actually not that different because it was rooted largely in Suaram, and of course in other groups as well, like Hakam or the Bar Council.

But Suaram, in particular, as an NGO, has constantly worked to network NGOs and to form NGO-based coalitions and also with political parties on key issues of human rights. We're the ones who stressed that coalitions need not have limits on membership.

Some of the NGOs felt that political parties shouldn't sign a joint statement with them. We disagreed. We said "no". A joint statement is a statement of principle. Anybody who agrees with it should be allowed to sign. So, in that sense, for me, it was not a different experience.

But, of course, you have to recognise that in the NGO world, it's necessary to take what you'd call a purist position. And it has to be done because that's what the NGO world is about. It's not about compromise. It's not about finding a middle ground because in certain issues, you can't.

So this is the adjustment, to some extent, that I find in the work within the political parties. The parties are about competing interests, and often, completely different points of view and sometimes, there has to be some give and take on that in coalition work.

But whatever it is, for the new Keadilan, we have a 17-point political programme in our constitution and we will not compromise on any of these.

The reason you made that move from being an NGO-based activist to a politician means you really believe that you can make a bigger contribution ...

Oh, absolutely!

I decided to join PRM in 1999 as it was a party I had supported earlier. It was really a response to the events of September 1998. We could see enormous societal changes happening in this country and felt it was the right time to contribute through joining the political parties...

Why PRM?

Because it was a party I could identify with in terms of its political, ideological positioning.

PRM started in 1955. Of course, it's gone through its ebbs and highs in its history. Its multiracial face [that is, leadership], left-of-centre ideology with social justice and democracy as core principles reflected the value system I espoused as a social activist. PRM has always tried to champion the rights of the downtrodden, the poorer half of society.

While PRM had no objection in principle to a market economy, it has maintained that the government of the day has a duty to socially manage the market economy as well as ensure a fair or just distribution of the country's wealth and to ensure that education, housing, healthcare, all these fundamental social needs, are looked after.

PRM and its leadership had faced major obstacles, gone to jail for many years, come out, carried on. Not just Dr Syed [Husin Ali], who is among the more prominent ones, but there are many PRM leaders who have sacrificed years of their freedom in jail under the ISA for their political beliefs.

So that's what attracted me to the party and I joined [PRM] before Keadilan was even set up.

I have friends who joined Keadilan after it was formed in April 1999 -- Tian Chua, Irene Fernandez and a number of others. But we also knew that at some point, these two parties would eventually merge.

We had a sense of it, through what was happening on the streets. The reformasi movement was on the streets. We could see we were doing similar things.


You've said you have no regrets going into politics. But have there been some disappointments along the way?

I made the decision to enter a political party in the context of the large social changes that were clearly happening after Anwar's arrest.

I think what we've seen six years on is that those societal changes are still carrying on. I would have had regrets if we had misread the whole situation completely [chuckles] and one year after it had all gone back to the status quo of, say, early 1998, that ultimately nothing had really changed.

With Anwar's release, these changes are going to continue in the same direction. Maybe not with the same [momentum] as in the first few months after September 1998 but you can see it's a genuine change.

But surely there were some disappointments along the way?

Yes, on a personal level, sometimes I had hoped that change for the better would happen at a quicker pace. But we were dealing with a strong oppressive response.

But looking at things objectively, one also realises, democratisation of this country is not going to happen overnight. It will take time. But those who want this change will have to keep the pressure up.

Well, you ran in two general elections...

Frankly, I don't look at [my losses in] the elections as a disappointment although they were very interesting experiences.

Of course, we went into the elections wanting to win but it's important to be objective and realistic about these things.

We came close in 1999, very close. I mean, I was a first-time candidate in Ampang Jaya, up against a two-term MP and I got 45% of the popular vote and reduced his majority by 25,000. The opposition as a whole got 46% of the popular vote. That's quite an achievement.

What are your thoughts on where the opposition movement is heading? What are the challenges the coalition would need to address?

I think the priority for the new [Parti] Keadilan Rakyat would be to focus on strengthening itself first.

We had a very successful well-attended Congress in Ipoh in December last year where a new leadership was elected. One of the immediate priorities for this year is a major membership drive to attract members from all communities in Malaysia.

We have a great political vision to offer to the voters. We believe in the democratisation of Malaysia, promoting social justice for all regardless of race or religion, and bringing about transparent and effective governance.

On another note, you're one of the shareholders of Malaysiakini. You've supported it from day one. But you're also an activist and a politician covered by its reports. As a shareholder, what is your stand or view on the news site trying to be objective and independent and at the same time, having to write analyses of what you do?
Well, my shareholding is actually a very small shareholding.

Would you be able to say how much?

In company law terms, there's a definition of what you call a substantial shareholder, anyone who holds more than 5%, and I'm not a substantial shareholder. My actual share is quite insignificant.

All shareholders sign an agreement with the editors that they will not attempt to or interfere in any manner with editorial policy. I was happy to play a role in the initiation of Malaysiakini in 1999. We all felt it was very important to set up an Internet newspaper.

For me, private ownership of media institutions whether by political parties or by individuals is not a problem so long as there are legal guarantees of press freedom in the country and there is publicly owned media -- like the BBC [British Broadcasting Corporation] which is government-owned but run by an independent board without interference -- giving access to all views.


My name is Siva... I live on the 2nd floor. I live upstairs from you. Yes I think you've seen me before... Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 10, 2005

What the...

I've never, thank God, contributed to road kill statistics as a driver. I'm the type of person who slows down for those cobra birds who like to pretend like they aren't going to move but always get the fuck out of the way at the right moment. I mean, I know they are going to move, but what if one of them isn't a cobra? What if it is just a quadraplegic that the other birds didn't fancy so much?

I once swerved to avoid a frog and another time because there was a big beetle. Lizards, snakes, dogs, cats, humans... all the small minded animals of the world that insist on crossing the road in a haphazard fashion in front of El Stormo have been avoided.

In a mini-adventure today, Hogs and I were on the way back from a meeting when the most wonderful (for us, probably not for it) thing happened. We were travelling behind a small truck carrying 4 open barrels. Out of one of the barrels hopped a fish!

I saw it as it majestically leapt to freedom only to be hit hard by the wind (as the wind often hits when travelling at about 75km/h) and then it landed on the road, right in the path of my car. I saw it flap about for a few seconds before I realised I was about to run over a fucking fish in the middle of lunchtime traffic on Jln Tun Razak... but I didn't, because I'm not about to walk into the office and be like...

"Oh fuck man..."

"What happened?"

"I hit something on the road just now."

"Shit! Man, what did you hit?"

"A fish."

But it was amazing the way this fish just sotomayered itself out of that truck. I think it probably knew it was suicide, but just couldn't stand that it was going to live life in some stupid aquarium, or end up on some dinner table. Maybe it was suicidal.

The only smart thing to do now is to go play the lottery. I have two plans.

1. Buy 3-5-3-8 (the number plate of the truck)
2. Find that small little book where they interpret your dreams and tell you what numbers it translates to. It has things like, "If you dream of a teacup and a rusty hammer on a chair, then you should buy 4-5-6 and special number 9".

I wonder what it says for "Fish jumping out of a truck onto Jln Tun Razak".

Thursday, March 03, 2005

A Good Omen

I saw a falcon clutching a snake.

It was resting in one of the trees in the office carpark.

We contemplated each other. I asked for its number. It said no and then flew off, still clutching the snake.

If this was Mexico and the falcon was an eagle and the tree was a nopal cactus, then I could segway neatly into some Mexican folklore and the origin of the national emblem of that great country.

Either way, if you'd like to know more go here. Apparently there is more to the story than meets the eye, but I'm too cheap to join some Mexican pay-site.

The Flesh of the Forest

A number of people have asked me why I haven't updated my blog in quite a bit:

1. I don't have a computer at home. Besides, you shouldn't blog from home. I reserve my home time for lounging about in my polar bear boxers while watching Discovery Channel and Outback Jack. All blogging should be done from work, on company time. It's the only way I know how to rock.

2. For all my lack of shame, I don't want to share too much emotional stuff about myself on this blog. Writing in a blog has enough emotional undertones to keep you informed of my emotional well-being without me overtly going into things. People write about their emotions so much better than I do, so it is best to read their blogs and not mine.

3. I want to write about my so-called adventures, hence the title of the blog. I want to share interesting stories about things that happen to me throughout the course of my day, or the origins of some of my wonderful friendships.

I had an adventure this weekend with Storm Rider and Guru Besar (principal).

A little back story:

Storm Rider is a good friend of mine who works as a theatre technician in Singapore. He is absolute technical theatre magic. Give him a broken fresnel, some gaffer tape, and an ashtray full of soggy ciggarette butts and he'll fix whatever problem you have. Bloody McGyver bastard.

We are also what people would say as being from completely different worlds. He is a chinaman through and through... blonde hair, girlfriend with many jingly jangly bits hanging from her handphone, sleeveless t-shirts and slippers wherever he goes... but we are friends. I call him Storm Rider because he reminds me of a character from the Chinese movie of the same name.

I met him during a local production of "Sound of Music" in 1998. He was the lighting operator and I was the Assistant Stage Manager. I was also the fly operator and had to rely on some lighting cues as my own cues to either raise the Alps or lower down Nazi occupied Austria... thus, I had a headset.

Headsets are fun. Especially when you have a full symphony orchestra playing the Sound of Music for you. Every night during "Doe a Deer" I would turn mine on and serenade the entire technical team with Homer Simpson's version of the song:

Duff, a beer, my favorite beer
Ray, the guy who sells me beeeeeeeeer
Me, the guy, who drinks the beeeeeer
Far, a long long way for beeeeeer
So, I think I'll have a beeeer
La, la la la la la beeeer
Ti, no thanks I'm having beeeer
that will bring us back to
DOH!

That kind of idiocy repeated every night for 2 weeks (with a full symphony orchestra backing) is the kind of thing that breaks the ice between two people.

Fast forward to now.

Storm Rider works in Singapore and I only get to see him three or four times a year. Anyway, I went to his place and Guru Besar was there. I call him Guru Besar because he's the principal of an arts kindergarten somewhere in Kajang, that great hinterland of satay. Actually, I don't think he's the principal and I don't think it's an arts kindergarten he runs, but Storm Rider and I think it is a lot funnier that way than to actually listen to what he really does. He's come to accept it and now calls himself Guru Besar too. I like hanging out with them. We communicate using broken English, Malay, and a smattering of Cantonese swear words. The language barrier is definitely present but it doesn't stop us from communicating seamlessly with each other.

The plan was to get silly and go to the zoo. The plan was silly so we didn't go to the zoo (but it would have been fun. Anyway, we were rained out) and instead hopped into the Storm and decided to go on a drive-about.

We turned onto Jln Zoo View and instead of following the traffic towards Taman Melawati, we just kept driving straight, to see where the road would take us. First we came to a small little kampung. It was quaint and we oohed and aahhed at all the decorative tyres that the kampung folk had put down as lawn decorations. This went on for about a kilometer and then we discovered a river runs through it. The road narrowed to one lane, the village gave way to more trees, and suddenly we were in the jungle (but travelling on a beautifully tarred road). We were rocking out to Deja Voodoo's "I Am What I Am" and swigging Absolut straight from the bottle as the road mirrored the meandering river it was running next to. We would periodically see old men on motorcycles with fishing rods out of the back of their shirts ala He-Man ride by.

The river was beautiful and swollen from the rain that had now stopped. As it widened, so did our view of the gorgeous limestone cliffs known as "Dragon's Back" which was now covered in mist. Smaller limestone columns popped up out of nowhere and they had their own mist posse as well. It was greener than a leprechaun convention. We were absolutely stunned by the beauty of the area, and even more shocked because we were only a 10 minute drive away from Jln Ulu Kelang (which is the personification of urban madness). The road kept going for about 4 or 5 kilometers. The windows came down and the volume of the music came up. We reached a clearing on a slight hill and from there we could see 4 or 5 small fishing ponds laid out before us and continuing on into the distance, accessible only by motorbike. Since the Storm is slightly larger than a motorbike, we kept going on the tarred road.

In what was a very wonderful moment, the road came to an end just as Axel Rose was growling "Where do we go now?" on "Sweet Child of Mine". Actually the road didn't come to an end, but there was a hobs-tacle in our path in the form of a building. A huge, very government pink building with some irritating security guards who kept telling us that "Ini tempat UMNO! Ini tempat UMNO!" ("This is UMNO land!" UMNO is the United Malay National Organization, the leading party in the ruling Barisan Nasional coalition government). The sign on the front of the building said "Institut Budaya Baru Melayu Selangor" (The Selangor Institute for New Malay Culture... whatever that may be. According to the New Straits Times, it is the former Ghafar Baba motivational camp. Think bootcamp but for UMNO).

We turned around and decided to take a right at a junction we had ignored about 1 kilometer away from UMNO-land and were wonderfully rewarded. Turns out some enterprising eco-Malays have set up shop there in the form of jungle chalets. The first one was called Chalet Jinbara and we drove past it (because the road kept going) and ended up at Isi Rimba... which was exactly what 3 city boys needed. Isi Rimba means "The Flesh of the Forest" and the dudes there had made the most of the ample flesh. They had built an entire jungle spectacular world of their own complete with little bamboo bridges and kampung houses, along with a makeshift cafe next to the river. I ordered a teh tarik, Guru Besar ordered a teh tarik tongkat ali (tea infused with local herb equivalent of viagra), and Storm Rider had a 100 Plus. He said it was the best damn 100 Plus he's ever had.

This sounds like a lot of development but the folks at Isi Rimba haven't touched more than 5 trees in their push for eco-friendly commercialism. For RM120 a night, four people can stay at their kampung style chalets and eat all the homecooked meals you want. They conduct team building exercises, jungle trekking, night trekking, waterfall excursions, 4x4 excursions, fishing, jungle survival courses... everything junglelah.

Chickens run wild, children catapult themselves into the river with a little help from a few hanging ropes, old men smoke ciggarettes and dream of winning the RM2500 monthly prize for the biggest fish of them all. Why I didn't take pictures of that stuff, I will never know. All you can hear is the sound of running water, splashing water, and laughter. Not eerie evil laughter, but good laughter. Family laughter. It's all very romantic and pastoral but fuck it, I think people in KL need to be a little bit more romantic and pastoral.

We spent about an hour by the river. We walked around and spoke to a few people. I asked an old couple about Institut Budaya Baru Melayu Selangor and they went on a wonderful tirade about it being a place to brainwash Malays into paying back their government loans and scholarships. This is to ensure that people who actually need the money can receive it, and hopefully some of that money will pass on to the Non-Malays. The woman then applauded the Non-Malays for finding money to continue our studies or start new businesses even when the government doesn't want to help and Malays should be more like that instead of sitting back and waiting for handouts.

There was a brief awkward silence between the three of us before we all broke out laughing. It felt like something from a commercial (a commercial that would never make it to air in M'sia, but still).

"Thank God for places like this though. We can put all that kind of nonsense behind us for just a few minutes and enjoy God's beautiful handiwork like we are supposed to" the man said and then we said our goodbyes.

I wish the pictures were clearer. This place was the dog's bollocks.


Main Entrance Posted by Hello


Fishing Pondsss Posted by Hello


It's much nicer in Malay, but it roughly says : "Your presence thought welcome was uninvited, if your worried you may return, because once you take one step in, you'll definitely not want to go back"... or something like that.  Posted by Hello


This is a bridge Posted by Hello


A River Runs Through It Posted by Hello


Bloob bloob bloob Posted by Hello


Outside the Institute Budaya Baru Melayu Posted by Hello


Guru Besar! Posted by Hello