Again with the Naked Nihonjin...

After an extensive post-mortem of hanging out at the All Hang Out Club locker room, Hogs and I came to the conclusion that a towel is the best way to go. Dirty looks be damned, I need to look out for my modesty.

So there I was... not naked but shaving at the sink at the end of the counter. I heard the sauna doors open and some people laughing as they came closer to where I was standing. Something in the corner of my eye caught my attention and as I turned, I saw not one, but FIVE naked Japanese men. The only semblance of cover they had was their tiny little face towels that they each had across their shoulders. They were bright red, sweaty... and shrivelled from the heat. Truly the male physique can often be the ugliest of nature's creations. The neikiddo nihonjins, happily nattering away in nihongo, were on a collision course with my hairy, covered ass. They walked in perfect formation and who but NJM was the proverbial (and this case, literal) tip of the spear. The naked, middle aged Japanese Danny Zuco(nawa) with his wingman Kenickie(sawa), and the others. They were on a collision course with me. It was unavoidable. There was no Bruce Willis and nuclear bomb on the way to save me. I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep coz I miss you baby, and I don't wanna miss a thinggggggg.

I was just hoping that he would walk the FUCK ON BY DAMNIT. But he didn't.

He stopped, looked at me, turned to his gang and said,

NJM: Ah-re! *cute guttural japanese noises in a sing songy fashion*

GANG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

NJM: You ah-gain. Doing tha same thing. You don't go home?

ME: No, I moved in here last week. I'm living out of Locker 476.

NJM: Ree-ahlly?

Shit. He didn't get the joke. At all. The look on his face was half-compassion and half-pity. Imagine living out of Locker 476.

GANG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

NJM: NANI?!

GANG: HAHAHAHA! *Kenickie(sawa) explains to him the nature of the joke while the others continue to laugh at him*

NJM turns back and glares at me, before harumphing and flicking his head to indicate to his gang that joking time was OVAH. He storms off and they follow him in perfect, nekkid, formation... while still laughing at the poor guy. I don't think he's going to talk to me anymore. One of them was re-enacting NJM's "Ree-ahlly?" and then they burst out laughing again. I couldn't tell if NJM had turned red because they were all beetroot anyway.

I'm well on my way to being really popular at the All Hang Out Club.

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One of my producers at work sent me this joke a few months ago. I think most Malaysian's will get it. You foreigners bettah recognize. I reproduce it here:

One day, siew pau (steamed pork bun) and maggi mee (instant noodles) had a big fight. Maggi mee beat siew pau up until it had bruises on its pau body.

Siew Pau loose the fight and went back to tell all the pau family;- kaya pau, tau sa pau, curry pau, and etc.

So together.. all the paus went to find maggi mee for revenge.

On the way... they met Spaghetti.. so all of the pau ran to Spaghetti and BEAT the hell up on Spaghetti that Spaghetti cant say a word,

Spaghetti then scream...

"what did I do? I don’t even noe you all"..

Then the siew pau say..

"HEH! MAGGI MEE! Don’t think I cant recognize you after you do REBONDING!"

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In other news, I fell in love and then she left. At least I know she's out there :)